Part of growing up is learning that if you do something, something can happen as a result. Being mindful of when your child is starting to become fidgety, irritable or annoyed, or when two siblings are eyeing the same toy, can help diffuse a potential situation before it becomes one. Distraction is also about spotting when things are about to go wrong and taking action. “When you distract them towards something else – by changing the topic, introducing a game, leading them into another room, or going for a walk, you can successfully divert their energy towards positive behaviour.” When your child is being difficult, distracting them with a more positive activity can be a useful strategy says Professor Cluver. But if you ask for the impossible, they are going to fail.” Asking them to stay quiet for a whole day may not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you have a phone call,” says Professor Cluver. “But it's important to set realistic expectations. “When you ask a child to not make a mess, or to be good, they don't necessarily understand what they're required to do.” Clear instructions like “Please pick up all of your toys and put them in the box” set a clear expectation and increase the likelihood that they'll do what you’re asking. “Telling your child exactly what you want them to do is much more effective than telling them what not to do,” says Professor Cluver. “This can encourage good behaviour and reduce the need for discipline.” “Watch out for when they're doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with their sibling,” recommends Professor Cluver. Children may read this as a way to get your attention, perpetuating poor conduct rather than putting a stop to it.Ĭhildren thrive on praise.
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So, you turn your TV off, you turn your phone off, you get to their level and it's you and them.”Īs parents we often focus on our children’s bad behaviour and call it out. “What's really important is that you focus on your child. You can combine it with something like washing dishes together while you sing a song or chatting while you're hanging out the washing,” says Professor Cluver. One-on-one time is important for building any good relationship and even more so with your children. The good news for every parent is it works and here’s how you can start putting it into practice: Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour.
“When we know something doesn't work, that's a pretty good reason to look for a different approach.” “It’s like saying: here's this medicine, it's not going to help you and it's going to make you sick,” says Professor Cluver. The continued “toxic stress” it creates can lead to a host of negative outcomes like higher chances of school dropout, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease. Repeated shouting and hitting can even adversely impact a child’s entire life. The evidence is clear: shouting and hitting simply do not work and can do more harm than good in the long run. We do it because we're stressed and don't see another way,” says Professor Cluver. “Parents don't want to shout or hit their kids. There are no bad children, only bad behaviour. We consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-discipline. Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. No parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and physical violence never help. Whether dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper.
There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child.
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